If you have been trying to find a partner using online dating sites and you’re not having a lot of luck it might be time for a break. Online dating can sometimes be a little overwhelming. Sending messages constantly only to not get them back can take a toll on your self-esteem. And after a series of disastrous first dates, you might be ready to swear off dating forever and start using cell phone spy software just to find out what went wrong. I went through a period where I was really motivated to find “the one” so I threw myself into online dating. I had 2-3 dates a week every week for about three months.
But most of those first dates never turned into anything. And the ones that led to second or third dates ended after just a few dates. I noticed that I started becoming really critical and picky when I was looking through my online matches. And then I realized I had online dating fatigue. I was so tired of the neverending treadmill of messaging, texting, and meeting for terrible first dates. So I decided it was time for a break. I put my profile on pause and checked out of online dating to get out in the real world.
In a rom-com, this would be the part of the story where I met the love of my life in real life while I was shopping or biking or something like that. But that’s not what happened. All that really happened is that I took a month to reassess what I was looking for and to spend some time with myself. When you are online dating constantly you can start to morph into the person that you think other people will like so that you can have more success dating. And when you do that you can start to lose who you really are. Taking that month off gave me a chance to focus on myself. I got clear about what I was really looking for in a partner. And I gave myself some time to just relax and be myself. During my online dating fatigue induced hiatus I did things like:
- See chick flicks
- Meet friends for brunch
- Get back in a workout routine
- Go back to school
- Learn to paint with watercolors
- Brush up on my cooking skills
- Spend quality time at home reading or watching TV
- Going for walks
- Reconnecting with old friends
- Stay off social media and dating sites
- Sleep in
- Take naps
And after about a month of spending my time on myself instead of spending all of my free time on dating sites or going out on terrible dates I found that I was ready to start dating again, but with a different set of expectations. This time I was not willing to compromise on what I wanted and I started looking for quality dates instead of lots of dates. And it still took about six months before I met someone I wanted to have a relationship ship. But he was worth waiting for. I’m glad I did a sex offender search first though!