Catfishing, or pretending to be someone else online, is becoming more and more common. Meeting people on dating sites and social media sites is the primary way that people meet today, but there are is a high percentage of people who are taking advantage of that to create fake profiles with fake photos and fake personalities in order to get into relationships and friendships with strangers online.
Some people do it to scam money from people that they think are easy targets like older people or lonely people. But some people do it for other reasons that have nothing to do with money. Why would someone catfish other people knowing that the relationship will never be real? After I got catfished I asked my catfish why she did it to try and understand. Here’s what she said:
I was in a relationship with someone that I thought was a guy for over a year. We met on Instagram when “he” started messaging me. And after I threatened to end the relationship if he didn’t meet me in person “he” came clean. He was actually a woman. And she felt bad about misleading me and wanted my forgiveness. So I told her I would forgive her if she could explain to me why she did it. What kind of person creates a fake profile as the opposite gender and tries to trick women into a relationship? I couldn’t understand it at all.
Catherine, my catfish, said that she first set up the fake profile using her brother’s photos because she was bored and she wanted to pass the time. From the way she described it, catfishing sounded like a video game to her. Creating a character and trying to get other people to talk to her was just part of the game. But she said that once we started talking she really liked me and wanted to be friends but by then it was too late and she was committed to the fake persona.
As she talked I did start to understand a little bit more why she did it. She was lonely and didn’t have many friends. She was trapped in the same small town she grew up in taking care of an elderly parent. So she didn’t have a lot of social outlets and her prospects were bleak. I can understand why the idea of escaping into the fantasy of an online relationship was attractive.
But I still couldn’t over the creepiness of it. Once we started to consider ourselves “dating” she should have told me the truth, and I told her that. I eventually forgave her because she did answer my questions and tell me the truth. I know she would like for us to be friends but I’m not sure that I can trust her again after such a betrayal. But I did learn from the experience and now if I meet anyone online I tell them that they have to video chat with me and phone chat within a week or I’m not interested in either a friendship or relationship. I don’t want to get catfished again.
Are you crushing on someone online right now? Even if you aren’t now chances are that you’ve had an online crush in the past. If you meet someone that you’re interested in offline you can use body language and other clues to figure out if they might be interested in you. But with anonline crush, you’re left wondering constantly if the person is interested in you romantically or if they just want to be friends because all you have to go by are words on a screen. But that those messages that your crush sends you can tell you a lot about whether that person is interested in you or not. Here are a few of the signs that your online crush might be interested in dating you or having a relationship with you:
They Message You Back
It may sound obvious but just the fact that they took the time to message you back shows that they have some interest in getting to know you. If they had no interest in you at all they wouldn’t bother to respond to your messages.
They Ask Questions
When you send a message to someone and you get back a terse one or two-word answer. That’s it that person probably isn’t very interested in talking to you or getting to you know. But if they answer your questions and ask you questions about your life or what you think about things. That’s a very good sign that they are interested in you. If their messages are playful and light. That can also indicate interest even if they don’t ask you a lot of questions.
They Like Your Posts
I recently got a question from a girl wanting to know if her online crush was interested in her. She wasn’t sure because he hadn’t followed her on social media but was messaging her regularly. But he had recently liked several posts on her Instagram even though he wasn’t following her. That showed that he was looking at her feed and definitely shows interest in her. So if your crush is liking your posts, even if they aren’t following you, they are probably interested in you.
They Message You Frequently
If you send your crush a message, and several days go by, and then you get a one or two-word message in response. That is a strong indication that your crush is not actually interested in you. But if you send yourcrush a message and they respond right away or send you messages frequently throughout the day they are definitely interested in getting to know you. Don’t be worried if your crush seems to be online a lot but not messaging you. Many people use social media as part of their jobs. These days and just because they are online doesn’t mean they are free to chat. They could be working. So if you’re getting regular messages to take that as a good sign. That they are interested and don’t sweat the other stuff.
It is in our human nature tofear the possibility of failure. As striving individuals, we aim to become the best version of ourselves in all aspects of our lives. We want only the good things for our family relationships, our businesses, our careers, and the prime of our individuality. Failure is never a part of our plan. However, failure is always a part of the journey. It’s annoyingly inevitable to always encounter challenges and trials. It’s a normal experience to undergo downfall. Sometimes, you even hit the rock-bottom. What you need is to overcome your fears and face it with your head held high.
It’s time to put the fear of failure into your advantage. Stop avoiding it, or running away from it. Welcome the idea of failure and follow these effective strategies:
Shift Your Goals
Include the probability of failure into your plans. Try not to ignore it just to prevent it from happening. There is the certainty that you will meet failure along the way and your goal must incorporate your readiness in facing the situation.
Envision Future Challenges
List down all your possible obstacles. Try to think of each and every trial that might possibly come your way. Be futuristic even in terms of life challenges. By acknowledging your fear, you can easily recognize the risks of your choices and plan a better course of action. You are no longer a slave to these uncertainties.
Use Your Experiences
Recall all your past experiences and own it to yourself. You have the chance to empower yourself by accepting your experiences, whether they’re good or bad. You might fear the bad experiences and consider them as failures. Differentiate your negative thoughts from the reality of your experiences. They hold helpful insights that are waiting for you to realize.
The Three Powerful Questions
There are three powerful questions that you need to answer in order to overcome your fear of failure:
What can I learn from this experience?
How can I grow from this experience?
What are the positive things about this experience?
Embrace Your Fear
Feel your fear as a part of your system. Don’t repel it, but surrender to it. Only when you embrace it that it becomes a tool for your future success and not a barrier from your hopes and dreams. Slowly, you will begin to understand how strong you can be in managing your fear and turning it into your advantage.
If you want to be a successful online dater you need to perfect your relationship elevator pitch. I’m a dating coach and the first thing I ask new clients when they come to me is what their elevator pitch is. Almost all of them tell me that they don’t have one. And that’s one of the biggest mistakes you can make when it comes to online dating.
When you’re looking for a job or trying to secure funding for a new business you need to develop an elevator pitch or a short statement that tells people who you are and what your goals are. And in business often having a great elevator pitch makes the difference between getting that perfect job or finding the funding for your business and not being successful. When it comes to online dating you need to apply the same strategy that you would apply to find a job or finding a backer for your business. You need to sell yourself in a short statement that will convince people that they want to know more about you.
In the online dating world, it can be really difficult to stand out. There are thousands of profiles on those sites and getting noticed can be tough. But if you have a great elevator pitch as your title or as your introduction on your profile it will increase the chances that people who are serious about finding a relationship will want to know more about you and will contact you.
A Great Elevator Pitch For Online Dating
There are a few things that every great dating elevator pitch has to have. The first thing is a strong first statement that describes what sets you apart from other people. And this statement should be as specific as possible. Everyone likes to travel, or read, or listen to music. That is not going to stand out. There is a big difference between a statement that starts with “I like to travel.” and a statement that starts with “Last summer I cashed in all of my PTO to take a two week trip to Bali on a meditation retreat and it changed my life”. The first statement is way too generic. The second one is interesting and will get noticed.
Another thing that your elevator pitch needs to have is a specific statement about what you’re looking for when it comes to dating. Don’t be coy and don’t be wishy-washy when it comes to what you’re looking for. If you want to find a relationship that has marriage potential then you need to say that. Or if you’re just looking to date and have fun you should say that. Make it clear what your intentions are so you can attract other people who want the same thing that you want.
Your dating elevator pitch should also include one thing that makes you unique. It could be a unique talent, an unusual hobby, or a funny anecdote about something that highlights your individuality.
If you have been trying to find a partner using online dating sites and you’re not having a lot of luck it might be time for a break. Online dating can sometimes be a little overwhelming. Sending messages constantly only to not get them back can take a toll on your self-esteem. And after a series of disastrous first dates, you might be ready to swear off dating forever and start using cell phone spy software just to find out what went wrong. I went through a period where I was really motivated to find “the one” so I threw myself into online dating. I had 2-3 dates a week every week for about three months.
But most of those first dates never turned into anything. And the ones that led to second or third dates ended after just a few dates. I noticed that I started becoming really critical and picky when I was looking through my online matches. And then I realized I had online dating fatigue. I was so tired of the neverending treadmill of messaging, texting, and meeting for terrible first dates. So I decided it was time for a break. I put my profile on pause and checked out of online dating to get out in the real world.
In a rom-com, this would be the part of the story where I met the love of my life in real life while I was shopping or biking or something like that. But that’s not what happened. All that really happened is that I took a month to reassess what I was looking for and to spend some time with myself. When you are online dating constantly you can start to morph into the person that you think other people will like so that you can have more success dating. And when you do that you can start to lose who you really are. Taking that month off gave me a chance to focus on myself. I got clear about what I was really looking for in a partner. And I gave myself some time to just relax and be myself. During my online dating fatigue induced hiatus I did things like:
See chick flicks
Meet friends for brunch
Get back in a workout routine
Go back to school
Learn to paint with watercolors
Brush up on my cooking skills
Spend quality time at home reading or watching TV
Going for walks
Reconnecting with old friends
Stay off social media and dating sites
And after about a month of spending my time on myself instead of spending all of my free time on dating sites or going out on terrible dates I found that I was ready to start dating again, but with a different set of expectations. This time I was not willing to compromise on what I wanted and I started looking for quality dates instead of lots of dates. And it still took about six months before I met someone I wanted to have a relationship ship. But he was worth waiting for. I’m glad I did a sex offender search first though!